I don’t know what I expected.gif

it seems like every time I post a picture of myself to my blog I get creepy messages from the dudes who follow me who talk to me all the time? and I’m nice to them but

I just don’t like it

so today in my life, my mom unwittingly talked me down from thoughts of suicide (FOR CLARITY: I WAS NEVER GOING TO DO IT, I WAS JUST KIND OF THINKING ABOUT IT I AM AWARE THAT THIS IS TERRIBLE AND I AM CURRENTLY SEEKING PROFESSIONAL HELP)

and then I took the requisite sad shower

there were tears

hey guess what???

this isn’t a friendship if you don’t participate in it

so don’t say you don’t think I like you when you never seem to try to be my friend at all

I’M NOT A HARD PERSON TO GET ALONG WITH

go fuck yourself dearest

there’s something I want to post on my main blog but I’m scared it’ll trigger you so

man these pills are fucking GREAT I feel amazing, better than I’ve felt in a while

I feel like I can actually do my work now, which is incredible

so uh maybe I should get a prescription for this shit

I’m gonna take som Focalin in a few minutes, probably

wait no my roommate just came in and I don’t want to have her around when I take it? I feel like she’d be weirded out and also I don’t want her here when I’m focusing

but anyway back to my point

is I’m kind of nervous about it but not really? mostly I’m excited, like, I’m gonna get so much work done and that’s fucking GREAT

but I JUST DON’T WANT HER TO BE HERE HOLY FUCK I WAS SO HAPPY UP UNTIL A MINUTE AGO WHEN SHE CAME IN

I want to go to sleep but when I wake up it’ll be the day that this dude I know leaves? and I don’t want him to leave

wait no stop leaving me just come back let’s stay together forever

this isn’t acceptable?!

so I got over this dude and we’re just now getting to be real friends

but he’s the first person that I think, I know how he smells. Like, I’ve had people tell me they know peoples’ smells before. my best friend told me she was scared she’d forget how I smelled. but I never had it before, but I know how this one guy smells.

that’s kinda weird to me.

sits in room and cries because I don’t matter to anyone

but they matter so much to me

okay this is wayyyyy tmi

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